Hot Cocoa's blog

Mental illness still a stigma within our society

image: health informer

'Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, Body Dismorphic Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder'

We all hear about this all the time and must know or at least heard of someone who suffers from one of these illnesses. The Channel Five presenter Trisha Goddard, who once suffered from depression explained in an interview “My depression wasn’t recognised and I was given no treatment. That was to cause me tremendous problems later... my depression hasn’t gone away, but I’ve learned to live with it,” she says. “I’m no longer a victim of the illness, instead I’m a survivor.”

Mental illness is still given some sort of bad reputation in society, perhaps because it is misunderstood and seen as a very negative thing. It is also something which is rarely talked about in society, often ignored or the fact of it being considered as something that should not be spoken about in public because it is meant to be 'a private thing' so to speak. What should be known is that sufferers of mental illness have emotions too like other 'normal' human beings and are helpless in terms of these conditions that may have befallen them. They should not be treated like monsters or some sort of aliens that need to be ignored because after all, they are humans too.

What are people saying about mental illness?

'I do take medication for depression and when i tell people this, they usually distant themselves from me a little bit and it is not like i am trying to get pity for saying this. it's just that i am too open with people which comes at a cost.'  Keziah, 25, aspiring musician

'I think it is something that should not be discussed too often, its too private and too controversial like religion and homosexuality.' Preethi, 20, student

'It is so complicated, and is viewed with so much taboo by people and victims of it, usually end up turning into outcasts.' Matthew, 24, poet

The Coconut Syndrome- Relationship Stories

Hot Cocoa says- 'Our favourite guest writer, Maya has returned and this time she has returned with a

story about relationships, when heterosexual relationships fail and ladies contemplate same sex relationships....hope you enjoy'

One of my closest friends experienced what we call the coconut syndrome and decided to leave the men's world and become a lesbian. Those who take FB status seriously will think she lost her mind, yet others will understand that she simply had enough of the dating world. It didn't take long until this simple status grew into a long girl's discussion about men, love and sex. It was on an Easter morning, a friend left another question mark directed to me waiting to be answered. so, instead of getting into the whole notifications circle I have decided to attack the whole subject and sum up my thoughts in one piece.

Yaya (Hot Cocoa) asked me about sex and my answer is: putting aside the whole hormonal passion attacks (spare me the fuck-buddies and fun-sex comments) there is no such thing as what you call a free pass. If you are seeing someone you like -- call it making love. If someone wants and respects you, he will wait. The good guys do. Don't sleep with someone until you believe in your heart he is truly and only yours.

Bee will agree with me when I say, use your women instinct ladies because you can know when a man is after only o-n-e thing. If he ignores your calls and get back to you only days after saying he missed you. If he says he's busy on his days off -- instead of spending it with you, if he doesn't introduce you to his friends, if he panics every time you post something on his FB wall, if he doesn't show real interest in your life rather than your body than perhaps its a sign he is not serious.

As repeated last night, I believe in communication! uff. I am a question person and if something bothers me I ask. The biggest test is if he takes the time to listen and answer. we respect guys that are men enough to reject us rather than the ones that suddenly disappear. It only leads to more question marks and endless conversations with your girlfriends. For the ones in a more advanced stage of relationship: talk with your partner about expectations, be open about where it is all going to and do not leave any place for empty promises. men, if you knew all along that you don't like her looks, behavior or religion keep in mind these things won't suddenly change after few years. You either accept it for what she is, or might as well break it in an early stage just please can, be honest.

now what? take what you can and learn from ur experiences. as you know it all starts as a sweet feeling of excitement. we suddenly think about the way we look, how we got nothing to wear and where will we bump into him next?! I love this part!! No need to get over suspicious with every lil move, just enjoy it. I personally never asked for jewelry, expensive things or big love dramatic announcements, simply cause it is not me. Don't let fancy dinners, sweet fake compliments or seducing looks fool you. It's the small things that counts; little notes on the fridge door, sweet song in my inbox and 'miss you' text msg on a bad day -- that makes me feel special. There is a really nice song that will summaries what I wish: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYWv_NSBZQI


For conclusion -- if you really want someone fight for it! some are worth it and they just suffer from trust issues. show him you will be there for him no matter what. Ask, talk to him but also know when to let go! In every relationship it takes T-W-O people and if he aint making an effort than chapter closed. Offer your love girl but make sure he knows, love will not sit at his doorstep forever. Life is short and beautiful. smile to it and move on. when you least expect it the right man will come along and will make you feel happy inside -- and when you do, don't let him go, cause he may be the one!

♥

Vanilla Chocolate-Interracial Relationships Revisited

Hot Cocoa says.

Last week on this blog, I featured the vital issue of dating outside of one`s ethnic background. So I asked a beloved sistah and friend, Maya, for what she thought about the issue and she kindly wrote a piece below, which has been deliciously titled “Vanilla Chocolate”, hope you enjoy.


Maya says. 

Yaya (Hot Cocoa's nickname) asked me awhile ago to share my thoughts on interracial relationships; I failed to give a clear answer since I really wanted to avoid all the known heroic statements and give a real, concrete explanation for my opinion. Moral and religious arguments against the antiquated bans on interracial marriage have been recycled, chewed and spitted for years yet the debate is far from being over. Most arguments were created by the Westerns that pretends to be all open, cosmopolitan society. Ironically their methodology includes hierarchy of race, gender roles, and class and use of bible as justification for the embargo.


In Israel, people are most concerned about mix between religions while mix-race and gay marriage are pushed to the side. The Israeli society do not accept any romantic relationships between Arabs and Jewish people. Do I agree? No, yet I can understand why people would avoid it. The main reason is because Israel is a Jewish country that's been trying real hard to preserve that. In order to avoid any assimilation Israel encourages Jewish abroad to go back and keep the biblical command of "pru-urvu" (Be fruitful and multiply). In any other country though, where there is a less emphasis or pressure on your origin I would definitely encourage people to follow their heart. In Israel is a bit problematic; bringing children to a country that tags people based on their roots will be literally cruel. The new generation will suffer from identity issues, cultural isolation, and last search for community that will accept them. So based on my personal experience, race was not the issue, my religion was. 



Personally I never had a problem with interracial or any type of mixed relationships. Old comments such as "corruption of blood” and “a mongrel breed of citizens" are unacceptable simply since we are not animals or sons of God. Let's face it, Religion is just a collection of traditions fabricated by man and a Race is a mere color. Any other differences or stereotypes were born out of pure ignorance which I cannot fully comprehend. During my time in London, I was highly attracted to Black men. I would marry him in a second if I could. In Spain they are white. Does anyone care? I will rephrase, Should anyone care? Do you walk around and tell people you just had lunch with a Pakistani person? no, so why should someone's bedroom life become such an issue? 

We are all human beings with dreams, thoughts, feelings. Now if someone managed to find another specie that makes him happy, so be it. If someone found a person that loves him than his past, roots, race, religion, culture, political views or fashion style are irrelevant. There are enough battles based on hate in this world as it is, why drag this one into relationships as well?!

As my father always say: Just be a good human being Maya, the rest is just decoration.

Thanks Maya!

Hot Cocoa will like to know if you agree with Maya`s opinion or not? If you are or have experienced being in an interracial relationship, how has it been? Has the difference in ethnicity and cultural beliefs had much of an effect on your relationship? 

You can also find Hot Cocoa on Facebook by typing in “Hot Cocoa Blog”

What are young British people saying about voting in the upcoming UK elections?

 

Marcio, 21, Graphics Design Student

"I am not going to Vote, but if i have to, i will probably be voting

for Labour.'

Marvin, 21, Animations Student

"I am not voting, because the politicians don't

stand for anything and everyone.'

  

Sonida, 20, Journalism and Media Student

'I will be voting Labour. I feel that their policies

don't promote change in an exaggerated way

just for the sake of getting more votes. They tell

us what they are going to do and make us realise

that it will take time. Also they are funded by the

trade unions, rather than private companies who

can influence and effect policies . Gordon Brown

will still make a good Prime Minister.'

Samra, 20, Graphics Student

'Not voting, but i will choose Liberal because they stand for

everyone's views, and from religious context, i will vote conservative

for the views they have about marriage and family.'

Panaglotis Zavatzk, 18, Computer Games Development student

'Voting for Liberal Democrat, because I don't like

the other two.'

Mazlum Kortas, 22, Graphics Design student & Actor

'I might be voting for Green party, because they

are green. On a serious note, because they seem

reliable and stick to their ideals. As for Labour,

I think Gordon Brown's policies are not working

at the moment, because according to the PR, they

are not doing a good job winning support. The British

National Party are getting more votes, get foreigners like

you and me out, as well as Polish people and those countries

part of the EU that are flooding the UK.'

Kaltrina Ademi, 21, Journalism Student

'I am not voting. I didn't listen to any of the debates and i

just don't know why people are against Brown. I don't

think he's the one to blame for the economic crisis since

it was Blair's government that had sort of caused all

the problems. Not too keen on Cameron, because i heard he's

not keen on immigrants and students, which i am both.'

If you are going to vote, who will you be voting for?

BlaWhite, IndiHispanic, ChinBlack - Interracial relationships

image: google

 
"To me, love does not know colour...if they love each other, colour is the last thing so i don't think itmatters if there is love between them.' Kash 11, age 25, Musician

"It is inspiring that in a society where racial issues seem misunderstood, that couples can still be happy inspite of cultural difference. I have heard that many years from now we will all be of mixed heritage. On one hand I would say, why are we so afraid of this. On the other, there are many people who tend to find their own race more attractive, not just in looks. So unless everyone has the same mindset neither side of the argument need to worry.' Elizabeth, age 21, Student

"Its a conspiracy i tell u!!!  jst consider these facts....
-the earth is experiencing global warming, its gonna get real hott!
-white ppl cannot live in the sun, lack of melanin
-major cities around the world are encouraging multi-cultural societies...
-cross breeding is very popular... my point... the black race will get eliminated and white ppl will 'evolve' so that they have melanin in their skin and can survive the heat" Empress Nae, age 21, deep thinker

  "You know such relationships dont' last because of both parties's family and culture, but there is no harm in trying.'  Tunde, age 23, Office worker

 

We all have opinions on this

 

Interracial relationships seems to be one of the reasons that proves that our society is changing and embracing all races of people irregardless of the hate and injustice that once existed back in the day. Everywhere you look now you can see a white guy holding his black queen with pride, or an oriental beauty lovingly kissing her hispanic love. Times are changing and we have gone along with it, however it is important to know that just as everyone is mixing together there are consequences which inhabit this bliss. Consequences such as cultural divides and upbringing, even though there is mutual understanding and respect of each other's cultures, the difference still hinders the possibility of the relationship being stable and long lasting. However, some couples prove this opinion wrong by showing through their lasting togetherness that there just might be a certainty of things running smoothly. What do you think about interracial relationships anyway, do you think it is appropriate or a gradual means of racial extinction in our society today?

 

 Leave your comments below

image: google